New Year's Resolutions

We did our annual goal setting with the kids the other night. It was fascinating to see how they each approached the task.
The youngest (ID personality) insisted on writing her goals out herself, which was interesting since she is not quite literate yet. She had no problem thinking of goals, like learning to "ti shoos," "reed beder" and "love on Mommy mor." For the past two days she has been very enthusiastic about kissing my whole face. It is, after all, a goal. Our oldest C daughter immediately made columns down her page and made categories for the goals she wanted to set for herself... "academic goals," "physical fitness goals," "spiritual goals," "financial goals," etc. She put one or two goals in each category and then drew elaborate designs all over her paper while she waited on the rest of us to finish. Our IS personality son put things like "soccer" and "eagle scout" and "A's and B's only"and was done with it. Then our 8 year old C picked up her list and said, "One of my goals for the New Year is to be more organized. So every day at 3:30 I will clean my room. I will practice the piano at 5 o'clock every day" and it kept on going from there. She must have listed 9 or 10 things like that... a specific goal along with an exact time she would perform the task and the frequency with which said task would occur. It was a thing of beauty.
It's easy to see what a parent's role is in helping each different personality type with their goals. The C's are already dialed in to the concept quite naturally. The most important job a parent would have here is to keep them from beating themselves up if they fall short. They're such perfectionists by nature. Convey to them the idea: you try and you either succeed or fail. If you succeed, bravo. Set another goal. If you fail, stop, re-assess, re-set goal and try again. Repeat process until successful.
The I's may want to set really grand, unattainable goals. I try not to discourage those goals. With our son I just help him to break them down into smaller, more attainable steps that will lead to the larger goal. Or, in our son's case, he set broad, non-specific goals. My job here is to help him nail down the specifics. Also important is having him set a timeline for each step to keep him from procrastinating. The S in him will make it harder for him to follow through than another personality type and I will need to remember to ask him regularly about his progress.
The D in my little DI personality child seemed to love the whole exercise and has been very matter of fact about doing the things on her list the last couple of days. The I in her prompted her to make "love on Mommy more" one of her goals. She's pretty little still, so my main job is to praise and encourage any and all efforts. She does so enjoy applause.
They all need to learn how to set and attain goals no matter what their personality type. As parents it's our job to teach them how. Knowing their individual personality helps us to identify what their strengths are and how to use them when setting goals. It also gives us an idea where the trouble spots will be for them and enables us to help them overcome those hurdles. Ideally, the end result is happy, healthy people from all quadrants of the wheel achieving their goals for a lifetime.

It's Christmastime and I've been enjoying our youngest two daughters so much this year. They are 5 and 8- - perfect ages for a magical Christmas. Last week my 8 year old (C personality) informed me that it was the day her class got to go to Santa's Secret Shop at school. The PTA puts it on every year to raise money and the kids love to be able to shop for their parents' gifts. So she went to her piggy bank and pulled out $10 to take to school with her. First of all, you have to appreciate the fact that the child knew which day her class was going and actually remembered to take money with her that day. The second thing to realize is the fact that she had saved money. I think you have to have raised an I child to fully appreciate the beauty of this... at any rate, that was how my morning started that day. When my 5 year old I personality daughter heard what was going on she immediately started in with, "I want to go to Santa's Secret Shop! I want some money! Please Mommy! Please!" So I gave her some money, but not without first explaining what she was to do with it... (I'd learned my lesson with my I personality son who took money to Santa's Secret Shop in the second grade and spent all of it on toys for himself. You don't make that mistake twice). She understood that it was to be spent for gifts for her family and off she went, happy as could be. What happened when they got home was priceless and such a perfect example of their individual personality types: Ellie, the C, came home, wrapped her gifts for everyone and put them under the tree with a satisfied "mission accomplished" look on her face. Annie, the I, came busting through the door and immediately wanted to pass out her gifts. I stopped her and explained that they were for Christmas and that she had to wait to give them to us. She didn't like that at all. For two days she begged to pass out her gifts and for two days I talked her out of it over and over again. Finally I got tired of trying to convince her that she'd be sorry if she didn't have any gifts for everyone on Christmas and said, "Go ahead Annie. They're your gifts to give. If you want to give them to us today, you can."
"Right now?!"
"Sure, Annie... right now."
She sprinted to the tree and grabbed the presents and within 30 seconds had passed them out. She then jumped and twirled and danced as we all opened our bobblehead dolls and flashlights and oohed and aahed appropriately. She was in heaven.
I just loved the differences in how the two girls approached the same situation. Ellie planned ahead and put thought and care into her gifts. Annie may not have planned a thing, but she had such a wonderful attitude about giving. You have to love that- - that generous, loving, exuberant spirit.
Well, I do, anyway. Ellie just sighed and rolled her eyes.