Everyday DISC for Moms...

Just some thoughts that may be of benefit to those in the trenches. I've always said that DISC is so simple to learn; the hard part is remembering to apply what you know when you're in any given situation. So here are a few basics that I've learned that make the daily stuff go much more smoothly. Enjoy...

Waking kids up in the a.m….
I’ve noticed that my S and C children take longer to wake than my D and I. They’re also the ones I have to give more warning to when changing activities in general. They’re the kids that need the 5 minute warning at McDonald’s playland…otherwise there is sure to be a meltdown that ends with me climbing into the ball pit. I hate climbing into the ball pit. So plan extra time for them in the morning. They just don't go from 0 to 60 as fast as the rest of us. The D does best when she feels like she's in control, so I give her choices… “Do you want to eat breakfast first or get dressed?” … “Do you want to wear the red shirt or the pink one?” … “Jelly on your toast or just butter?” Questions like, “Are you hungry?” are usually answered with a grumpy “No!” and followed by 20 minutes of refusing to eat and then we’re late for school and then I start yelling and then it really breaks down from there.
Mealtime…
My C children are such picky eaters (my 14 yr. old C is actually vegetarian... has been for years). They don’t seem to care about food when we do sit down to eat and eat smaller amounts than the rest of us. The D and the I children are much less finicky and are enthusiastic eaters. The I’s in the family are the overeaters. The S is only slightly finicky, but no one would ever know it. She just quietly eats what she likes and avoids the rest. I love the different responses when I tell them what’s for dinner. One of my C’s never cares because she knows there’s an entirely different vegetarian menu for her. The other C usually scowls and tells me everything she doesn’t like. And the I whoops and hollers and cheers at no matter what I say; it’s all his favorite.
Chores…
The C’s need a list. They thrive on lists. They love checking off completed tasks one by one. They do the most thorough job, by far. If I need something done right, I’ll ask one of them. The lists do nothing for the D and the I. They need different motivation. The I does best if I say, “Do this and we’ll watch a movie when you’re done.” etc… The S offers help, but needs help following through. She does it happily enough when I ask, though. The I and S need lots of praise once they’ve completed their tasks.
Discipline…
The I crumbles when he thinks I’m unhappy with him. He can’t take the slightest bit of criticism. I have to be very careful when reprimanding him because it wounds him too deeply. The C’s don’t seem to be so sensitive. As far as discipline, the only thing I have found that works on the C’s is to take away something important to them… a privilege or activity they love, toy, whatever. When behavior changes, privilege is returned. Don’t have to discipline the S; she never does anything wrong. Nothing works on the D; she does whatever she wants.

Our oldest daughter and her husband are expecting their first child. In fact, he's overdue. So she calls the other day and says, "Well, I tried to tell the baby how fun we are, thinking that if he was an "I," he'd want to come out. Didn't work. So then I tried giving him a list of pro's and con's so he could evaluate whether or not it was a good idea to come out. Didn't work... not a "C." So I'll talk really sweetly to him today and see if that works." So far, no baby. She may have to raise her "D."
I had to laugh, but it thrilled me just to see her applying her knowledge of DISC in an everyday situation. Imagine the difference it could make in a person's life if they were taught at a young age the principles of personality differentiation and how to communicate effectively with any temperament... interaction with friends, teachers, family. The first thing I noticed personally was a new tolerance- -tolerance for differences. But then it grew beyond tolerance to an appreciation. I need other peoples' strengths. They need mine. How critical it is to get this information into the hands of parents and educators.
One final triumphant note... my twelve year old son came home from school a couple of weeks ago and told me he'd made a new friend. I asked him what his new friend was like and he said, "Oh, you'd love him, Mom. He's off the charts 'I'!" It's working!

First, let me make one thing clear. I am a mother. I do not take it lightly. I was born for this, and what's more, I'm good at it. For these few years (okay, sometimes it seems like slightly more than a few), but for these few years that my children are growing and reliant on me to raise and guide them, I treat this like a full-time job. I'm not talking one of those 9 to 5 kind of jobs...when I say full-time, I mean full-time. 24/7. I can say this with all sincerity, because my 4 year old frequently sneaks into our room at night and curls up next to me. So even when I'm asleep, I'm on duty. My goal is to turn out five of the most loving, upright, happy, honest, hard working adults the world has ever seen. I'm not kidding.

Okay, having said all that...in my search to better myself as a parent and learn as much as I can that will benefit my children, I read. I look for anything that might educate me and help me to help them. I've found lots of great stuff over the years, but none has been so important, so revolutionary for me personally as DISC. I remember sitting at a seminar ten years ago learning about DISC for the first time. Our daughter, Claire, was 4 at the time. For months I had been troubled by my relationship with my beautiful, smart, perfect little girl. I'm a pretty high "I" and no matter how I tried, I just couldn't seem to connect with this serious, articulate little person. I tried so hard to make her laugh and be silly and act like a carefree child, but to no avail. My son, David was 2 at the time and full of life, usually bouncing off the walls. He reacted to me in a way that I understood, jumping on the bed right along with me. I'll never forget one beautiful, sunny afternoon I decided to take the children out for ice cream. We'd been in the house all day and I thought it would be fun to get out for a few minutes. So I say to 4 year old Claire and 2 year old David, "Who wants to go out for ice cream?!" David immediately starts jumping up and down and singing, "I do! I do!" (appropriate reaction, right?). I turn to look at my little Claire, and there she stood, all serious and pensive...almost looking a little worried. Then she said, "Mommy... I want my ice cream in a cup this time instead of a cone. The last time, the cone made too big of a mess. And don't forget the napkins this time. Last time you forgot them." (?!?!?!) All I could think was, "Something's wrong with her!" So there I sit, several months later, in a DISC seminar for the first time. As the speaker was explaining the basics of the DISC model, it was as if the heavens opened up and choirs of angel began to sing (I told you, I'm an "I"). It clicked. I finally got it. I understood at last. My little girl was a "C." I immediately began to read and learn all I could about DISC. I first had to learn the information and understand it, and then I had to learn to apply it. As cheesy and cliche as this sounds, I can honestly say, it has made all the difference in my life and relationships. I believe that if everyone was equipped with this knowledge and then used it, the world would be a mighty different place.