Back to School

It's that time of year again. After a summer of lazy days and relaxed routines, its time to get the kids back in the saddle. I thought I'd post a few ideas to help parents remember to apply DISC to make that back to school routine flow a little more easily.

Remember your D child needs to feel in control. Give him a set of choices from which to choose, all acceptable to you. For example: In the morning... "Do you want to take your lunch today or buy it?" or "Do you want to wear the red shirt or the blue one?" or "Scrambled or fried?" After school..."I don't care when you do your homework, just so it's finished by dinnertime." When you talk to him about his day, ask about interaction with others. Chances are any problems that crop up will be in the human interface department. "Do you understand why you hurt Billy's feelings when you said that?" or "How do you think Suzie felt when you took that toy from her?" You know the issues, you've been there before. Also, remind him that the teacher is in charge of the classroom and that he is only in charge of himself.

For your I child it is mainly about helping him to learn the self discipline that is necessary to succeed in any educational environment. Writing down assignments is a must! Even our youngest children have homework these days, so start early teaching your I to keep a planner or notebook with everything he needs to have ready the next day. Train him to look over it before leaving school to ensure he brings home the books he will need. Remember, he's not the greatest at working autonomously, so you may need to sit along side him while he does homework or at the very least be in the general area. I have my child with this personality type do homework at the kitchen table while I'm cooking dinner. I'm available to answer any questions, but also can keep him on task when he starts flying his pencil around like an airplane. Remember to use positive statements to motivate an I child: "After you get your homework done let's go for a bike ride!" or "Let's finish up homework before dinner so that we can play a board game after we eat."

For the S child, remember to wake her a little earlier than the rest. She needs more time to ease into her day. Whenever possible, pull her up onto your lap and spend a few minutes snuggling before you throw her into the morning routine. She doesn't hurry, so she'll need more time to eat and get dressed. She's not likely to ask questions at school for fear of drawing attention to herself, so go over her homework with her to make sure she understands the concepts. Again, she will work better in groups than alone, so if you can, sit with her while she does homework or have her do it the same time her sibling does. Also, very important... know who your S child's friends are. They are followers. Even if they know something isn't right, it's so much harder for them to speak up than any of the other personality types. You can influence their choices in the friend department and you need to.

And your C child is probably in heaven. The routine of school is right up her alley. You probably won't even have to nag her to do her homework. Let her load her backpack and lay out her clothes the night before. Tell her the schedule for the day, for example, "You've got gym class today and for lunch they're serving spaghetti. After school we're taking your brother to soccer practice. We'll be home by dinner time and you can do your homework then." It seems so simple, but her anxiety level will be greatly reduced and she'll be more calm and cooperative. Remember, she probably has unrealistically high expectations for herself; help her to enjoy the journey. We don't always have to get straight A's and sometimes it's okay to color outside the lines.

Happy parenting and have a great school year!

DISC, Kids and Money

First I'm going to have to tell on myself...

When it comes to finances my policy is: it's just money. I'm happy to share whatever I have with anyone who needs it and would rather have fun experiences and wonderful memories than an enviable stock portfolio. Now, some of you are saying, "Yes, of course, why wouldn't you feel that way. Life is for living!" Others of you got extremely nervous merely reading the words "it's just money." And some of you thought "What an idiot."

I just figured it was another "men are from mars" thing until I learned about DISC. I no longer see gender lines, but personality lines. As a case study, it's most interesting of all seeing my four youngest children's attitudes about money. Keep in mind that all of them were raised by the same two people, taught the same principles; they should have the same, or at least similar attitudes towards money, right? Not so. Let me show you what I mean:

Our 14 year old artsy, fartsy C has never had any interest in money except to insist that we shouldn't be spending any. We have the hardest time teaching wise money management skills because she simply doesn't care. We've tried to find things she wants to help motivate her to earn and save. Nothin'.

Our 13 year old happy go lucky I child spends it faster than he can earn it. He loves to shop and has blown more money than I can count on things like multi-colored duct tape and sharpies. We have to turn saving into a game to get him to hang onto it for any time at all.

Our 7 year old ultra organized, disciplined C is the funniest, though. When she was 5 years old she got some money for her birthday. When I talked to her about what she might like to buy with her money she said, "If I spend my dollars, I won't have my dollars." She's been our best saver, by far. She decided she needed an alarm clock last year, so I took her to the store to buy one. She hauled her piggy bank to the store with the $25 she'd saved in it. There were three clocks that made it to the last stage of her careful selection process. A pink castle that projected the time onto the ceiling for $25 (it was cool!), a beautiful dancing pink princess for $19 and a small pink rectangle with a small princess sitting on top of it for $11. She really wanted that castle; I could see the dilemma raging in her little C brain. But it only took her about 30 seconds to choose the least expensive one. She still has every gold dollar the tooth fairy ever gave her... I know because once "the tooth fairy" didn't have any on hand and tried to sneak one out of her bank to re-use (come on... the tooth fairy is an I). She noticed, OF COURSE, the next morning when she went to put the latest gold dollar in her piggy bank.
Our youngest is the DI and doesn't have much fiscal experience yet. The only thing I have noticed is that if she gets any money at all she usually gives it to me as a present. She and I have similar personality types and my mother says I frequently spent my birthday money buying presents for other people.

My point is this...

Let me repeat, trying to raise all children the exact same way is insanity. Look at this single issue! They all need specific parenting. Their issues are unique, their strengths and weaknesses-- personal. Our creative C needs to learn that money does have its place and that she's going to have to use the filthy stuff to navigate in this world (I'll also tell her how cool it is that it's not that big a deal to her). Our high I needs to learn restraint and common sense... things like, you have to pay your bills before you buy concert and amusement park tickets. (I'll also tell him how great it is that he is able to live a little and not be totally uptight about money). Our organized C who saves, saves, saves needs to learn that it's okay to spend a little on fun stuff every once in a while. It's no use dying with millions in savings (I will also applaud her DAILY for being able to do at 7 what most people can't do at 47). And we have yet to see about the little one, but maybe it will be something like, make sure your own needs are met before you give your money away to others. I may not be the best person in the world to teach this one.

It's hard to find a situation in life where DISC doesn't apply...

Here are some snippets from this past week:

• My parents took my 5 and 7 year old daughters, Annie and Ellie, miniature golfing. They are, respectively, a DI and a C. Mom's report went something like this, "Ellie concentrated so hard on every shot; she was so serious! But Annie went at it like she was playing Polo- - just whacking at it as she walked by. She was having so much fun."


• My 14 year old C daughter waited for me in the car the other day while I ran into a store. When I returned she told me how she was a little nervous waiting in the car by herself and to pass the time she had come up with various ways to elude capture and incapacitate all of the apparent attackers waiting to pounce in the Kohl's parking lot. She had come up with no less than two dozen scenarios and possible solutions for each. They were all incredibly detailed and creative. None, however, included opening the door and setting off the car alarm (note to reader: C's sometimes get so caught up in the details that the obvious eludes them).


• While camping with my husband, our 13 year old I son and our 14 year old C daughter, we did silly stuff around the campfire each night. One night the kids decided we all had to tell a story. Our son's story was completely impromptu and ridiculous. Our daughter had spent an hour writing out and editing her masterpiece. One night it was poems. Again, Claire's was worthy of publishing, David Jr.'s started with the inevitable "Roses are red..." and it just went downhill from there.


• Same camping trip... while crossing one of the many lakes, our C daughter sat nervously in the center of the canoe yelling at anyone who so much as flinched. The I son? He was kayaking along behind us singing Robert Goulet songs at the top of his lungs.


• Not to overlook my C husband (it's not always about the children)... he got to quietly fish and enjoy nature... and think. Some of his favorite things. And I can appreciate those things about him because I understand how he is wired. I'm not mad that his tastes are different from mine, that he'd rather rough it than relax on a beach. I rather like it that we have different interests and passions, but that we can share each other's sometimes, too. I like that he is the calm to my storm... the "understated" to my "out-loud." I understand what it means when he brings me a single wildflower. Dozens of long-stemmed roses don't hold a candle.

And these are just a few, recent situations... situations where I noticed and appreciated and LOVED the differences in my beautiful, little family.