We did our annual goal setting with the kids the other night. It was fascinating to see how they each approached the task.
The youngest (ID personality) insisted on writing her goals out herself, which was interesting since she is not quite literate yet. She had no problem thinking of goals, like learning to "ti shoos," "reed beder" and "love on Mommy mor." For the past two days she has been very enthusiastic about kissing my whole face. It is, after all, a goal. Our oldest C daughter immediately made columns down her page and made categories for the goals she wanted to set for herself... "academic goals," "physical fitness goals," "spiritual goals," "financial goals," etc. She put one or two goals in each category and then drew elaborate designs all over her paper while she waited on the rest of us to finish. Our IS personality son put things like "soccer" and "eagle scout" and "A's and B's only"and was done with it. Then our 8 year old C picked up her list and said, "One of my goals for the New Year is to be more organized. So every day at 3:30 I will clean my room. I will practice the piano at 5 o'clock every day" and it kept on going from there. She must have listed 9 or 10 things like that... a specific goal along with an exact time she would perform the task and the frequency with which said task would occur. It was a thing of beauty.
It's easy to see what a parent's role is in helping each different personality type with their goals. The C's are already dialed in to the concept quite naturally. The most important job a parent would have here is to keep them from beating themselves up if they fall short. They're such perfectionists by nature. Convey to them the idea: you try and you either succeed or fail. If you succeed, bravo. Set another goal. If you fail, stop, re-assess, re-set goal and try again. Repeat process until successful.
The I's may want to set really grand, unattainable goals. I try not to discourage those goals. With our son I just help him to break them down into smaller, more attainable steps that will lead to the larger goal. Or, in our son's case, he set broad, non-specific goals. My job here is to help him nail down the specifics. Also important is having him set a timeline for each step to keep him from procrastinating. The S in him will make it harder for him to follow through than another personality type and I will need to remember to ask him regularly about his progress.
The D in my little DI personality child seemed to love the whole exercise and has been very matter of fact about doing the things on her list the last couple of days. The I in her prompted her to make "love on Mommy more" one of her goals. She's pretty little still, so my main job is to praise and encourage any and all efforts. She does so enjoy applause.
They all need to learn how to set and attain goals no matter what their personality type. As parents it's our job to teach them how. Knowing their individual personality helps us to identify what their strengths are and how to use them when setting goals. It also gives us an idea where the trouble spots will be for them and enables us to help them overcome those hurdles. Ideally, the end result is happy, healthy people from all quadrants of the wheel achieving their goals for a lifetime.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Thursday, December 17, 2009
It's Christmastime and I've been enjoying our youngest two daughters so much this year. They are 5 and 8- - perfect ages for a magical Christmas. Last week my 8 year old (C personality) informed me that it was the day her class got to go to Santa's Secret Shop at school. The PTA puts it on every year to raise money and the kids love to be able to shop for their parents' gifts. So she went to her piggy bank and pulled out $10 to take to school with her. First of all, you have to appreciate the fact that the child knew which day her class was going and actually remembered to take money with her that day. The second thing to realize is the fact that she had saved money. I think you have to have raised an I child to fully appreciate the beauty of this... at any rate, that was how my morning started that day. When my 5 year old I personality daughter heard what was going on she immediately started in with, "I want to go to Santa's Secret Shop! I want some money! Please Mommy! Please!" So I gave her some money, but not without first explaining what she was to do with it... (I'd learned my lesson with my I personality son who took money to Santa's Secret Shop in the second grade and spent all of it on toys for himself. You don't make that mistake twice). She understood that it was to be spent for gifts for her family and off she went, happy as could be. What happened when they got home was priceless and such a perfect example of their individual personality types: Ellie, the C, came home, wrapped her gifts for everyone and put them under the tree with a satisfied "mission accomplished" look on her face. Annie, the I, came busting through the door and immediately wanted to pass out her gifts. I stopped her and explained that they were for Christmas and that she had to wait to give them to us. She didn't like that at all. For two days she begged to pass out her gifts and for two days I talked her out of it over and over again. Finally I got tired of trying to convince her that she'd be sorry if she didn't have any gifts for everyone on Christmas and said, "Go ahead Annie. They're your gifts to give. If you want to give them to us today, you can."
"Right now?!"
"Sure, Annie... right now."
She sprinted to the tree and grabbed the presents and within 30 seconds had passed them out. She then jumped and twirled and danced as we all opened our bobblehead dolls and flashlights and oohed and aahed appropriately. She was in heaven.
I just loved the differences in how the two girls approached the same situation. Ellie planned ahead and put thought and care into her gifts. Annie may not have planned a thing, but she had such a wonderful attitude about giving. You have to love that- - that generous, loving, exuberant spirit.
Well, I do, anyway. Ellie just sighed and rolled her eyes.
"Right now?!"
"Sure, Annie... right now."
She sprinted to the tree and grabbed the presents and within 30 seconds had passed them out. She then jumped and twirled and danced as we all opened our bobblehead dolls and flashlights and oohed and aahed appropriately. She was in heaven.
I just loved the differences in how the two girls approached the same situation. Ellie planned ahead and put thought and care into her gifts. Annie may not have planned a thing, but she had such a wonderful attitude about giving. You have to love that- - that generous, loving, exuberant spirit.
Well, I do, anyway. Ellie just sighed and rolled her eyes.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Responsibility, Homework and the I Child
We’re a few months into the school year and here’s what’s on my mind…
Raising C’s is AWESOME where school is involved. They are so responsible and self disciplined! The homework is a non-issue with them. They do it on their own and even check their work; they can’t stand to make mistakes. They plan ahead the night before and get themselves up in the mornings. A mother’s dream come true…
So, obviously, this post isn’t about them. You see, I am also the mother of an I. Don’t get me wrong. He has his own areas of awesomeness: he’s hilarious, loving, kind and a really happy person. He’s good at a lot of things, self discipline just isn’t one of them. We’ve had a rough start to the school year with him. His grades are not where they should be and he still hasn’t mastered that responsibility thing. Does it make me less proud of him? Am I mad at him? Of course not. He’s an I. I understand that this is an area in which he needs extra help. That’s where I come in. I need to help him develop good study habits. What comes naturally to my C’s will be areas that have to be taught to my I. They’ll have to be developed until they become habit. The I is just as capable as the C’s. My expectations for them all are the same. Helping them all to reach that potential is my job. The thing is, it's going to take unique methods, depending on the personality type of the child, to get them there. I'll say it again... what works for one won't work for all of them. You are going to get frustrated- - I guarantee it. It is so hard for the I personality child to focus and stay on task; he's just not wired that way. It has to be taught.
So what’s a parent to do? Here are some practical solutions for helping an I personality child become more responsible and successful with their school work:
• If your child’s school has a website, get familiar with it! Even our little school corporation out here in the middle of nowhere has a website where teachers log assignments, attendance, and grades. It’s great. You can see if your child hasn’t turned in an assignment or if he is getting behind in a class. Teach your child how to check the website and help them to get into the habit of checking it regularly. Have a set time, like every Monday after school, or whatever works for you. There will be times when you may have to check it daily until the habit is well established.
• Have a set time and even place for homework. It’s hard for this type of child to be consistent, so you will have to help them remember and help them get into the habit. It really helps if you can be in close proximity to them. They are easily distracted and you will need to help them stay on task.
• Check their work. I know it’s tedious, but this is especially important with I personality kids. They will rush through an assignment just to get it done so that they can play. My C children would be mortified to turn in an assignment that didn’t have all the i’s dotted and t’s crossed. My I is fine with it.
• Don’t forget this type child needs a lot of positive reinforcement. Your words have a greater impact on this personality type because they are very emotion driven. So try and make your remarks sound more like encouragement and less like criticism.
• Think reward system. “Hey buddy, as soon as you get your homework done I’ll take you on in a game of … (fill in the blank).” or “If you get your homework done we’ll have time to watch a movie.” You get the idea.
• And lastly, don’t freak out. When they do bring home a not-so-pretty report card, first praise them for the good grades and then help them come up with a plan to raise the bad ones.
It’s not about mental capacity. Our job is to help them to achieve their personal best and with an I personality child, you just have to help them learn good habits.
It’s either that or military school.
Raising C’s is AWESOME where school is involved. They are so responsible and self disciplined! The homework is a non-issue with them. They do it on their own and even check their work; they can’t stand to make mistakes. They plan ahead the night before and get themselves up in the mornings. A mother’s dream come true…
So, obviously, this post isn’t about them. You see, I am also the mother of an I. Don’t get me wrong. He has his own areas of awesomeness: he’s hilarious, loving, kind and a really happy person. He’s good at a lot of things, self discipline just isn’t one of them. We’ve had a rough start to the school year with him. His grades are not where they should be and he still hasn’t mastered that responsibility thing. Does it make me less proud of him? Am I mad at him? Of course not. He’s an I. I understand that this is an area in which he needs extra help. That’s where I come in. I need to help him develop good study habits. What comes naturally to my C’s will be areas that have to be taught to my I. They’ll have to be developed until they become habit. The I is just as capable as the C’s. My expectations for them all are the same. Helping them all to reach that potential is my job. The thing is, it's going to take unique methods, depending on the personality type of the child, to get them there. I'll say it again... what works for one won't work for all of them. You are going to get frustrated- - I guarantee it. It is so hard for the I personality child to focus and stay on task; he's just not wired that way. It has to be taught.
So what’s a parent to do? Here are some practical solutions for helping an I personality child become more responsible and successful with their school work:
• If your child’s school has a website, get familiar with it! Even our little school corporation out here in the middle of nowhere has a website where teachers log assignments, attendance, and grades. It’s great. You can see if your child hasn’t turned in an assignment or if he is getting behind in a class. Teach your child how to check the website and help them to get into the habit of checking it regularly. Have a set time, like every Monday after school, or whatever works for you. There will be times when you may have to check it daily until the habit is well established.
• Have a set time and even place for homework. It’s hard for this type of child to be consistent, so you will have to help them remember and help them get into the habit. It really helps if you can be in close proximity to them. They are easily distracted and you will need to help them stay on task.
• Check their work. I know it’s tedious, but this is especially important with I personality kids. They will rush through an assignment just to get it done so that they can play. My C children would be mortified to turn in an assignment that didn’t have all the i’s dotted and t’s crossed. My I is fine with it.
• Don’t forget this type child needs a lot of positive reinforcement. Your words have a greater impact on this personality type because they are very emotion driven. So try and make your remarks sound more like encouragement and less like criticism.
• Think reward system. “Hey buddy, as soon as you get your homework done I’ll take you on in a game of … (fill in the blank).” or “If you get your homework done we’ll have time to watch a movie.” You get the idea.
• And lastly, don’t freak out. When they do bring home a not-so-pretty report card, first praise them for the good grades and then help them come up with a plan to raise the bad ones.
It’s not about mental capacity. Our job is to help them to achieve their personal best and with an I personality child, you just have to help them learn good habits.
It’s either that or military school.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Back to School
It's that time of year again. After a summer of lazy days and relaxed routines, its time to get the kids back in the saddle. I thought I'd post a few ideas to help parents remember to apply DISC to make that back to school routine flow a little more easily.
Remember your D child needs to feel in control. Give him a set of choices from which to choose, all acceptable to you. For example: In the morning... "Do you want to take your lunch today or buy it?" or "Do you want to wear the red shirt or the blue one?" or "Scrambled or fried?" After school..."I don't care when you do your homework, just so it's finished by dinnertime." When you talk to him about his day, ask about interaction with others. Chances are any problems that crop up will be in the human interface department. "Do you understand why you hurt Billy's feelings when you said that?" or "How do you think Suzie felt when you took that toy from her?" You know the issues, you've been there before. Also, remind him that the teacher is in charge of the classroom and that he is only in charge of himself.
For your I child it is mainly about helping him to learn the self discipline that is necessary to succeed in any educational environment. Writing down assignments is a must! Even our youngest children have homework these days, so start early teaching your I to keep a planner or notebook with everything he needs to have ready the next day. Train him to look over it before leaving school to ensure he brings home the books he will need. Remember, he's not the greatest at working autonomously, so you may need to sit along side him while he does homework or at the very least be in the general area. I have my child with this personality type do homework at the kitchen table while I'm cooking dinner. I'm available to answer any questions, but also can keep him on task when he starts flying his pencil around like an airplane. Remember to use positive statements to motivate an I child: "After you get your homework done let's go for a bike ride!" or "Let's finish up homework before dinner so that we can play a board game after we eat."
For the S child, remember to wake her a little earlier than the rest. She needs more time to ease into her day. Whenever possible, pull her up onto your lap and spend a few minutes snuggling before you throw her into the morning routine. She doesn't hurry, so she'll need more time to eat and get dressed. She's not likely to ask questions at school for fear of drawing attention to herself, so go over her homework with her to make sure she understands the concepts. Again, she will work better in groups than alone, so if you can, sit with her while she does homework or have her do it the same time her sibling does. Also, very important... know who your S child's friends are. They are followers. Even if they know something isn't right, it's so much harder for them to speak up than any of the other personality types. You can influence their choices in the friend department and you need to.
And your C child is probably in heaven. The routine of school is right up her alley. You probably won't even have to nag her to do her homework. Let her load her backpack and lay out her clothes the night before. Tell her the schedule for the day, for example, "You've got gym class today and for lunch they're serving spaghetti. After school we're taking your brother to soccer practice. We'll be home by dinner time and you can do your homework then." It seems so simple, but her anxiety level will be greatly reduced and she'll be more calm and cooperative. Remember, she probably has unrealistically high expectations for herself; help her to enjoy the journey. We don't always have to get straight A's and sometimes it's okay to color outside the lines.
Happy parenting and have a great school year!
Remember your D child needs to feel in control. Give him a set of choices from which to choose, all acceptable to you. For example: In the morning... "Do you want to take your lunch today or buy it?" or "Do you want to wear the red shirt or the blue one?" or "Scrambled or fried?" After school..."I don't care when you do your homework, just so it's finished by dinnertime." When you talk to him about his day, ask about interaction with others. Chances are any problems that crop up will be in the human interface department. "Do you understand why you hurt Billy's feelings when you said that?" or "How do you think Suzie felt when you took that toy from her?" You know the issues, you've been there before. Also, remind him that the teacher is in charge of the classroom and that he is only in charge of himself.
For your I child it is mainly about helping him to learn the self discipline that is necessary to succeed in any educational environment. Writing down assignments is a must! Even our youngest children have homework these days, so start early teaching your I to keep a planner or notebook with everything he needs to have ready the next day. Train him to look over it before leaving school to ensure he brings home the books he will need. Remember, he's not the greatest at working autonomously, so you may need to sit along side him while he does homework or at the very least be in the general area. I have my child with this personality type do homework at the kitchen table while I'm cooking dinner. I'm available to answer any questions, but also can keep him on task when he starts flying his pencil around like an airplane. Remember to use positive statements to motivate an I child: "After you get your homework done let's go for a bike ride!" or "Let's finish up homework before dinner so that we can play a board game after we eat."
For the S child, remember to wake her a little earlier than the rest. She needs more time to ease into her day. Whenever possible, pull her up onto your lap and spend a few minutes snuggling before you throw her into the morning routine. She doesn't hurry, so she'll need more time to eat and get dressed. She's not likely to ask questions at school for fear of drawing attention to herself, so go over her homework with her to make sure she understands the concepts. Again, she will work better in groups than alone, so if you can, sit with her while she does homework or have her do it the same time her sibling does. Also, very important... know who your S child's friends are. They are followers. Even if they know something isn't right, it's so much harder for them to speak up than any of the other personality types. You can influence their choices in the friend department and you need to.
And your C child is probably in heaven. The routine of school is right up her alley. You probably won't even have to nag her to do her homework. Let her load her backpack and lay out her clothes the night before. Tell her the schedule for the day, for example, "You've got gym class today and for lunch they're serving spaghetti. After school we're taking your brother to soccer practice. We'll be home by dinner time and you can do your homework then." It seems so simple, but her anxiety level will be greatly reduced and she'll be more calm and cooperative. Remember, she probably has unrealistically high expectations for herself; help her to enjoy the journey. We don't always have to get straight A's and sometimes it's okay to color outside the lines.
Happy parenting and have a great school year!
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
DISC, Kids and Money
First I'm going to have to tell on myself...
When it comes to finances my policy is: it's just money. I'm happy to share whatever I have with anyone who needs it and would rather have fun experiences and wonderful memories than an enviable stock portfolio. Now, some of you are saying, "Yes, of course, why wouldn't you feel that way. Life is for living!" Others of you got extremely nervous merely reading the words "it's just money." And some of you thought "What an idiot."
I just figured it was another "men are from mars" thing until I learned about DISC. I no longer see gender lines, but personality lines. As a case study, it's most interesting of all seeing my four youngest children's attitudes about money. Keep in mind that all of them were raised by the same two people, taught the same principles; they should have the same, or at least similar attitudes towards money, right? Not so. Let me show you what I mean:
Our 14 year old artsy, fartsy C has never had any interest in money except to insist that we shouldn't be spending any. We have the hardest time teaching wise money management skills because she simply doesn't care. We've tried to find things she wants to help motivate her to earn and save. Nothin'.
Our 13 year old happy go lucky I child spends it faster than he can earn it. He loves to shop and has blown more money than I can count on things like multi-colored duct tape and sharpies. We have to turn saving into a game to get him to hang onto it for any time at all.
Our 7 year old ultra organized, disciplined C is the funniest, though. When she was 5 years old she got some money for her birthday. When I talked to her about what she might like to buy with her money she said, "If I spend my dollars, I won't have my dollars." She's been our best saver, by far. She decided she needed an alarm clock last year, so I took her to the store to buy one. She hauled her piggy bank to the store with the $25 she'd saved in it. There were three clocks that made it to the last stage of her careful selection process. A pink castle that projected the time onto the ceiling for $25 (it was cool!), a beautiful dancing pink princess for $19 and a small pink rectangle with a small princess sitting on top of it for $11. She really wanted that castle; I could see the dilemma raging in her little C brain. But it only took her about 30 seconds to choose the least expensive one. She still has every gold dollar the tooth fairy ever gave her... I know because once "the tooth fairy" didn't have any on hand and tried to sneak one out of her bank to re-use (come on... the tooth fairy is an I). She noticed, OF COURSE, the next morning when she went to put the latest gold dollar in her piggy bank.
Our youngest is the DI and doesn't have much fiscal experience yet. The only thing I have noticed is that if she gets any money at all she usually gives it to me as a present. She and I have similar personality types and my mother says I frequently spent my birthday money buying presents for other people.
My point is this...
Let me repeat, trying to raise all children the exact same way is insanity. Look at this single issue! They all need specific parenting. Their issues are unique, their strengths and weaknesses-- personal. Our creative C needs to learn that money does have its place and that she's going to have to use the filthy stuff to navigate in this world (I'll also tell her how cool it is that it's not that big a deal to her). Our high I needs to learn restraint and common sense... things like, you have to pay your bills before you buy concert and amusement park tickets. (I'll also tell him how great it is that he is able to live a little and not be totally uptight about money). Our organized C who saves, saves, saves needs to learn that it's okay to spend a little on fun stuff every once in a while. It's no use dying with millions in savings (I will also applaud her DAILY for being able to do at 7 what most people can't do at 47). And we have yet to see about the little one, but maybe it will be something like, make sure your own needs are met before you give your money away to others. I may not be the best person in the world to teach this one.
When it comes to finances my policy is: it's just money. I'm happy to share whatever I have with anyone who needs it and would rather have fun experiences and wonderful memories than an enviable stock portfolio. Now, some of you are saying, "Yes, of course, why wouldn't you feel that way. Life is for living!" Others of you got extremely nervous merely reading the words "it's just money." And some of you thought "What an idiot."
I just figured it was another "men are from mars" thing until I learned about DISC. I no longer see gender lines, but personality lines. As a case study, it's most interesting of all seeing my four youngest children's attitudes about money. Keep in mind that all of them were raised by the same two people, taught the same principles; they should have the same, or at least similar attitudes towards money, right? Not so. Let me show you what I mean:
Our 14 year old artsy, fartsy C has never had any interest in money except to insist that we shouldn't be spending any. We have the hardest time teaching wise money management skills because she simply doesn't care. We've tried to find things she wants to help motivate her to earn and save. Nothin'.
Our 13 year old happy go lucky I child spends it faster than he can earn it. He loves to shop and has blown more money than I can count on things like multi-colored duct tape and sharpies. We have to turn saving into a game to get him to hang onto it for any time at all.
Our 7 year old ultra organized, disciplined C is the funniest, though. When she was 5 years old she got some money for her birthday. When I talked to her about what she might like to buy with her money she said, "If I spend my dollars, I won't have my dollars." She's been our best saver, by far. She decided she needed an alarm clock last year, so I took her to the store to buy one. She hauled her piggy bank to the store with the $25 she'd saved in it. There were three clocks that made it to the last stage of her careful selection process. A pink castle that projected the time onto the ceiling for $25 (it was cool!), a beautiful dancing pink princess for $19 and a small pink rectangle with a small princess sitting on top of it for $11. She really wanted that castle; I could see the dilemma raging in her little C brain. But it only took her about 30 seconds to choose the least expensive one. She still has every gold dollar the tooth fairy ever gave her... I know because once "the tooth fairy" didn't have any on hand and tried to sneak one out of her bank to re-use (come on... the tooth fairy is an I). She noticed, OF COURSE, the next morning when she went to put the latest gold dollar in her piggy bank.
Our youngest is the DI and doesn't have much fiscal experience yet. The only thing I have noticed is that if she gets any money at all she usually gives it to me as a present. She and I have similar personality types and my mother says I frequently spent my birthday money buying presents for other people.
My point is this...
Let me repeat, trying to raise all children the exact same way is insanity. Look at this single issue! They all need specific parenting. Their issues are unique, their strengths and weaknesses-- personal. Our creative C needs to learn that money does have its place and that she's going to have to use the filthy stuff to navigate in this world (I'll also tell her how cool it is that it's not that big a deal to her). Our high I needs to learn restraint and common sense... things like, you have to pay your bills before you buy concert and amusement park tickets. (I'll also tell him how great it is that he is able to live a little and not be totally uptight about money). Our organized C who saves, saves, saves needs to learn that it's okay to spend a little on fun stuff every once in a while. It's no use dying with millions in savings (I will also applaud her DAILY for being able to do at 7 what most people can't do at 47). And we have yet to see about the little one, but maybe it will be something like, make sure your own needs are met before you give your money away to others. I may not be the best person in the world to teach this one.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
It's hard to find a situation in life where DISC doesn't apply...
Here are some snippets from this past week:
- My parents took my 5 and 7 year old daughters, Annie and Ellie, miniature golfing. They are, respectively, a DI and a C. Mom's report went something like this, "Ellie concentrated so hard on every shot; she was so serious! But Annie went at it like she was playing Polo- - just whacking at it as she walked by. She was having so much fun."
- My 14 year old C daughter waited for me in the car the other day while I ran into a store. When I returned she told me how she was a little nervous waiting in the car by herself and to pass the time she had come up with various ways to elude capture and incapacitate all of the apparent attackers waiting to pounce in the Kohl's parking lot. She had come up with no less than two dozen scenarios and possible solutions for each. They were all incredibly detailed and creative. None, however, included opening the door and setting off the car alarm (note to reader: C's sometimes get so caught up in the details that the obvious eludes them).
- While camping with my husband, our 13 year old I son and our 14 year old C daughter, we did silly stuff around the campfire each night. One night the kids decided we all had to tell a story. Our son's story was completely impromptu and ridiculous. Our daughter had spent an hour writing out and editing her masterpiece. One night it was poems. Again, Claire's was worthy of publishing, David Jr.'s started with the inevitable "Roses are red..." and it just went downhill from there.
- Same camping trip... while crossing one of the many lakes, our C daughter sat nervously in the center of the canoe yelling at anyone who so much as flinched. The I son? He was kayaking along behind us singing Robert Goulet songs at the top of his lungs.
- Not to overlook my C husband (it's not always about the children)... he got to quietly fish and enjoy nature... and think. Some of his favorite things. And I can appreciate those things about him because I understand how he is wired. I'm not mad that his tastes are different from mine, that he'd rather rough it than relax on a beach. I rather like it that we have different interests and passions, but that we can share each other's sometimes, too. I like that he is the calm to my storm... the "understated" to my "out-loud." I understand what it means when he brings me a single wildflower. Dozens of long-stemmed roses don't hold a candle.
And these are just a few, recent situations... situations where I noticed and appreciated and LOVED the differences in my beautiful, little family.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
I can't stand not to share this...
My 7 year old is a C. Not the creative, artsy type C, but the organized, anal type C. Honestly, she is amazing. She's the child who at two years old changed the paper towel and toilet paper rolls without being asked. That's right, I said two years old. At three she informed me one day that we were out of her favorite cereal. She then explained to me that if I would buy two boxes of cereal the next time we could put one box in the cupboard and the other in the pantry. When we ran out of the one in the cupboard we could move the one from the pantry over and buy a new one to replace it. That way, she explained, we would never run out again.
Which gives you an idea of the personality type I'm raising here and leads me to my most recent Ellie story...
Last week I got a little behind in the laundry. (I swear, it was the first time that has ever happened; I'm normally so organized and together when it comes to mundane, repetitive tasks...) Anyway, Ellie was a little perturbed because her favorite pants weren't clean and I thought, "If you want clean pants, wash them yourself." It was an errant thought... silly even. After all, she's only 7. But then I thought wait a minute... this is Ellie we're talking about here. You can see where this is going. Long story short, Ellie does her own laundry now. I'm not even kidding. What's more she loves it. I'll hear the washer and dryer going, and for once its not me running it. I even hear her pulling the lint trap out to clean it. She separates colors, she adjusts water temperatures and levels depending on her load, and she hangs stuff up right out of the dryer so it doesn't wrinkle... SHE IS SEVEN! She is a C.
And that's the bottom line. This is her strong suit. This comes naturally to her. Knowing how our children are wired helps us to know what we can expect from them. Some things come more easily to certain personality types and some things we need to spend a little more time teaching them. More often than not parents underestimate their kids. They are capable of so much more than we realize. Use DISC to assess where some of those strengths lie in your child.
I've since decided to raise the bar in regards to my expectations for my 13 and 14 year old... they are to do their own laundry once a week now. So far my 13 year old I son has turned an entire white load grayish blue and my 14 year old "creative C" daughter couldn't remember how to set the washer and start it. It was okay, though... Ellie showed her how to do it.
My 7 year old is a C. Not the creative, artsy type C, but the organized, anal type C. Honestly, she is amazing. She's the child who at two years old changed the paper towel and toilet paper rolls without being asked. That's right, I said two years old. At three she informed me one day that we were out of her favorite cereal. She then explained to me that if I would buy two boxes of cereal the next time we could put one box in the cupboard and the other in the pantry. When we ran out of the one in the cupboard we could move the one from the pantry over and buy a new one to replace it. That way, she explained, we would never run out again.
Which gives you an idea of the personality type I'm raising here and leads me to my most recent Ellie story...
Last week I got a little behind in the laundry. (I swear, it was the first time that has ever happened; I'm normally so organized and together when it comes to mundane, repetitive tasks...) Anyway, Ellie was a little perturbed because her favorite pants weren't clean and I thought, "If you want clean pants, wash them yourself." It was an errant thought... silly even. After all, she's only 7. But then I thought wait a minute... this is Ellie we're talking about here. You can see where this is going. Long story short, Ellie does her own laundry now. I'm not even kidding. What's more she loves it. I'll hear the washer and dryer going, and for once its not me running it. I even hear her pulling the lint trap out to clean it. She separates colors, she adjusts water temperatures and levels depending on her load, and she hangs stuff up right out of the dryer so it doesn't wrinkle... SHE IS SEVEN! She is a C.
And that's the bottom line. This is her strong suit. This comes naturally to her. Knowing how our children are wired helps us to know what we can expect from them. Some things come more easily to certain personality types and some things we need to spend a little more time teaching them. More often than not parents underestimate their kids. They are capable of so much more than we realize. Use DISC to assess where some of those strengths lie in your child.
I've since decided to raise the bar in regards to my expectations for my 13 and 14 year old... they are to do their own laundry once a week now. So far my 13 year old I son has turned an entire white load grayish blue and my 14 year old "creative C" daughter couldn't remember how to set the washer and start it. It was okay, though... Ellie showed her how to do it.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
DISC for Educators
Here's what I'm thinking about these days...
Motherhood is serious business. Using DISC as a parent has been, as I've said for years, revolutionary for me. But as my children grow, the circle of people that have a direct impact on their daily lives is widening. Naturally. I arm my children with basic personality literacy so that they can navigate the world without me... we all have to deal with D's sooner or later. But I'm trying to increase my own circle of influence and educate others on DISC and I can't think of a better place than within the education system. These are the people who get the hours of the day with my children that I don't get. It's not easy giving a virtual stranger 6 hours of my 7 year old's day. 6 hours! So I was thinking, what if educators were trained in DISC? Imagine... instead of frustration over my headstrong child's dogmatism, a teacher would instead see a natural born leader and help her develop and refine that gift. Imagine... instead of overlooking my sweet, quiet, shy child who never gives a moment's worry, a teacher pays closer attention and makes sure that child understands the lesson or helps to draw that child out in social situations. Imagine... instead of impatience with my outgoing, energetic little Tigger, a teacher has a greater tolerance for his natural enthusiasm and channels it in appropriate directions. Imagine... instead of exasperation over my analytical, detail oriented, asks-so-many-questions-she-can-make-your-gums-bleed child, a teacher recognizes a student with a thirst for knowledge and information. Imagine... an educator with a classroom full of children with all of these personality types who knows how to better develop individual children's strengths and to use those strengths to improve the learning environment. People who teach and influence our children have the power to change the world. Oooo! That'd be a great book title!
Motherhood is serious business. Using DISC as a parent has been, as I've said for years, revolutionary for me. But as my children grow, the circle of people that have a direct impact on their daily lives is widening. Naturally. I arm my children with basic personality literacy so that they can navigate the world without me... we all have to deal with D's sooner or later. But I'm trying to increase my own circle of influence and educate others on DISC and I can't think of a better place than within the education system. These are the people who get the hours of the day with my children that I don't get. It's not easy giving a virtual stranger 6 hours of my 7 year old's day. 6 hours! So I was thinking, what if educators were trained in DISC? Imagine... instead of frustration over my headstrong child's dogmatism, a teacher would instead see a natural born leader and help her develop and refine that gift. Imagine... instead of overlooking my sweet, quiet, shy child who never gives a moment's worry, a teacher pays closer attention and makes sure that child understands the lesson or helps to draw that child out in social situations. Imagine... instead of impatience with my outgoing, energetic little Tigger, a teacher has a greater tolerance for his natural enthusiasm and channels it in appropriate directions. Imagine... instead of exasperation over my analytical, detail oriented, asks-so-many-questions-she-can-make-your-gums-bleed child, a teacher recognizes a student with a thirst for knowledge and information. Imagine... an educator with a classroom full of children with all of these personality types who knows how to better develop individual children's strengths and to use those strengths to improve the learning environment. People who teach and influence our children have the power to change the world. Oooo! That'd be a great book title!
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
The DISC Basics (and I do mean basic)
I originally set up this blog for people who already had a basic understanding of DISC and were looking for ways to apply it to parenting. I've since had some requests for a little more explanation of the DISC model of personality differentiation, so here it is...
The premise is this: there are four basic personality types and we are all a unique blend of traits that belong to one or more of these types. DISC has the simplest method of determining your personality type than any model I've seen. It goes something like this... First answer the question, "Are you outgoing or reserved?" And then answer the question, "Are you people oriented or task (or detail) oriented?" If you're not sure and seem to be pretty evenly divided between one or the other, pick the one you lean toward the most. Once you've answered those questions, you should be able to say, "I am an outgoing, people oriented person." or "I am a reserved, task oriented person." or whatever your specific combination is. You get the idea. Now, refer to the graphic on the right (the circle with the four quadrants identified by the letters D, I, S, and C). One of these will be your primary personality type, but like I said, you'll have traits from the other types blended in.
The D personality type is outgoing and task oriented. They are outspoken and driven. They like to be in control. Think of words like dominant, doer, demanding, etc.
The I personality type is outgoing and people oriented. These are the fun, life-of-the-party types. They like recognition and are upbeat, positive people. Words like influential and inspirational help to remember the I type.
The S personality type is reserved, but people oriented. They are sweet, shy and like stability. These are not boat rockers. They are, however, team players. Plus, they're just nice.
The C personality types are reserved and task oriented. They are careful, critical and calculating. They like routine and order and can be perfectionists. They thirst for information.
So there's a basic (really basic) overview. People write entire books on the subject and I just reduced it to a couple of lines. But it's a start. I'll do some more parenting posts where I focus on one personality type at a time, so check back soon!
The premise is this: there are four basic personality types and we are all a unique blend of traits that belong to one or more of these types. DISC has the simplest method of determining your personality type than any model I've seen. It goes something like this... First answer the question, "Are you outgoing or reserved?" And then answer the question, "Are you people oriented or task (or detail) oriented?" If you're not sure and seem to be pretty evenly divided between one or the other, pick the one you lean toward the most. Once you've answered those questions, you should be able to say, "I am an outgoing, people oriented person." or "I am a reserved, task oriented person." or whatever your specific combination is. You get the idea. Now, refer to the graphic on the right (the circle with the four quadrants identified by the letters D, I, S, and C). One of these will be your primary personality type, but like I said, you'll have traits from the other types blended in.
The D personality type is outgoing and task oriented. They are outspoken and driven. They like to be in control. Think of words like dominant, doer, demanding, etc.
The I personality type is outgoing and people oriented. These are the fun, life-of-the-party types. They like recognition and are upbeat, positive people. Words like influential and inspirational help to remember the I type.
The S personality type is reserved, but people oriented. They are sweet, shy and like stability. These are not boat rockers. They are, however, team players. Plus, they're just nice.
The C personality types are reserved and task oriented. They are careful, critical and calculating. They like routine and order and can be perfectionists. They thirst for information.
So there's a basic (really basic) overview. People write entire books on the subject and I just reduced it to a couple of lines. But it's a start. I'll do some more parenting posts where I focus on one personality type at a time, so check back soon!
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Everyday DISC for Moms...
Just some thoughts that may be of benefit to those in the trenches. I've always said that DISC is so simple to learn; the hard part is remembering to apply what you know when you're in any given situation. So here are a few basics that I've learned that make the daily stuff go much more smoothly. Enjoy...
Waking kids up in the a.m….
I’ve noticed that my S and C children take longer to wake than my D and I. They’re also the ones I have to give more warning to when changing activities in general. They’re the kids that need the 5 minute warning at McDonald’s playland…otherwise there is sure to be a meltdown that ends with me climbing into the ball pit. I hate climbing into the ball pit. So plan extra time for them in the morning. They just don't go from 0 to 60 as fast as the rest of us. The D does best when she feels like she's in control, so I give her choices… “Do you want to eat breakfast first or get dressed?” … “Do you want to wear the red shirt or the pink one?” … “Jelly on your toast or just butter?” Questions like, “Are you hungry?” are usually answered with a grumpy “No!” and followed by 20 minutes of refusing to eat and then we’re late for school and then I start yelling and then it really breaks down from there.
Mealtime…
My C children are such picky eaters (my 14 yr. old C is actually vegetarian... has been for years). They don’t seem to care about food when we do sit down to eat and eat smaller amounts than the rest of us. The D and the I children are much less finicky and are enthusiastic eaters. The I’s in the family are the overeaters. The S is only slightly finicky, but no one would ever know it. She just quietly eats what she likes and avoids the rest. I love the different responses when I tell them what’s for dinner. One of my C’s never cares because she knows there’s an entirely different vegetarian menu for her. The other C usually scowls and tells me everything she doesn’t like. And the I whoops and hollers and cheers at no matter what I say; it’s all his favorite.
Chores…
The C’s need a list. They thrive on lists. They love checking off completed tasks one by one. They do the most thorough job, by far. If I need something done right, I’ll ask one of them. The lists do nothing for the D and the I. They need different motivation. The I does best if I say, “Do this and we’ll watch a movie when you’re done.” etc… The S offers help, but needs help following through. She does it happily enough when I ask, though. The I and S need lots of praise once they’ve completed their tasks.
Discipline…
The I crumbles when he thinks I’m unhappy with him. He can’t take the slightest bit of criticism. I have to be very careful when reprimanding him because it wounds him too deeply. The C’s don’t seem to be so sensitive. As far as discipline, the only thing I have found that works on the C’s is to take away something important to them… a privilege or activity they love, toy, whatever. When behavior changes, privilege is returned. Don’t have to discipline the S; she never does anything wrong. Nothing works on the D; she does whatever she wants.
Waking kids up in the a.m….
I’ve noticed that my S and C children take longer to wake than my D and I. They’re also the ones I have to give more warning to when changing activities in general. They’re the kids that need the 5 minute warning at McDonald’s playland…otherwise there is sure to be a meltdown that ends with me climbing into the ball pit. I hate climbing into the ball pit. So plan extra time for them in the morning. They just don't go from 0 to 60 as fast as the rest of us. The D does best when she feels like she's in control, so I give her choices… “Do you want to eat breakfast first or get dressed?” … “Do you want to wear the red shirt or the pink one?” … “Jelly on your toast or just butter?” Questions like, “Are you hungry?” are usually answered with a grumpy “No!” and followed by 20 minutes of refusing to eat and then we’re late for school and then I start yelling and then it really breaks down from there.
Mealtime…
My C children are such picky eaters (my 14 yr. old C is actually vegetarian... has been for years). They don’t seem to care about food when we do sit down to eat and eat smaller amounts than the rest of us. The D and the I children are much less finicky and are enthusiastic eaters. The I’s in the family are the overeaters. The S is only slightly finicky, but no one would ever know it. She just quietly eats what she likes and avoids the rest. I love the different responses when I tell them what’s for dinner. One of my C’s never cares because she knows there’s an entirely different vegetarian menu for her. The other C usually scowls and tells me everything she doesn’t like. And the I whoops and hollers and cheers at no matter what I say; it’s all his favorite.
Chores…
The C’s need a list. They thrive on lists. They love checking off completed tasks one by one. They do the most thorough job, by far. If I need something done right, I’ll ask one of them. The lists do nothing for the D and the I. They need different motivation. The I does best if I say, “Do this and we’ll watch a movie when you’re done.” etc… The S offers help, but needs help following through. She does it happily enough when I ask, though. The I and S need lots of praise once they’ve completed their tasks.
Discipline…
The I crumbles when he thinks I’m unhappy with him. He can’t take the slightest bit of criticism. I have to be very careful when reprimanding him because it wounds him too deeply. The C’s don’t seem to be so sensitive. As far as discipline, the only thing I have found that works on the C’s is to take away something important to them… a privilege or activity they love, toy, whatever. When behavior changes, privilege is returned. Don’t have to discipline the S; she never does anything wrong. Nothing works on the D; she does whatever she wants.
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